as the year comes to a close, i have a lot of writing to do. academic writing, that is. writing that doesn’t let me express frustrations or excitement. writing that doesn’t let me express any emotions, for that matter. and i haven’t written here in a while, but i’ve been craving to. and so, as a classic method of procrastination, here goes nothing.

frustrations, as of late: i’m feeling lost in an overly competitive world. i’m feeling as though so many people around me are always competing. competing to be faster, better, stronger, and smarter. and i feel like i just can’t win. and it’s not that all i want to do it win, i just want to feel confident. i want to feel strong and i want to feel smart. but the external pressure drags me down. i am a true believer in encouragement and feel as though i spend so much of my time supporting and encouraging others and more often than not, it is not reciprocated. i’m learning to be strong and to continually encourage and support myself. i’m learning how to not get bogged down by the overwhelming amounts of competition around me.

excitement, as of late: i’m curious. i’m looking for passion. i’m looking to do something different. to be creative, to start something, to finish something. and i can’t put words on what this thing is that i’m craving. but it’s something very different than what i’m doing now. i’m excited to do more thinking about what this things is. i’m excited to have support in starting this and finishing it. and i’m excited to see where it will take me.

all i can ask for is a little support. a little encouragement, and lots of love. i know this is just a season of frustration and it will pass. also sometimes, it takes a little frustration for passion to emerge.

so here is to the end of a season of just that; an end to the frustration and the emergence of passion!