As I write this, I’m sitting in my hotel room, eating cold leftover pizza from Sunday night and some trail mix leftover from my flight. Because choosing a place to eat, ordering an Uber, trying to figure out the ‘rules’ of the restaurant, sitting alone at the bar and finding something that hits the spot just isn’t in the cards tonight. And that’s okay! Just don’t ever let anyone (myself included) convince you moving to a new country is glamorous, because it absolutely is not.
Lots of things are in limbo this week. And this life, if we’re being honest, right?. Let me share a few things that stick out:
- The fantasy football app still works on my phone here in Brazil (2-0 baby), but my banking app won’t let me log in and the exel energy website doesn’t want to let me cancel services for my apartment in Denver. I’m still getting notifications for sales at Target and yet I’m trying to fill my google maps with places to try in my new home. I haven’t been able to sign up for local delivery apps because I don’t have a Brazilian cell phone number yet but I’m learning to live in the world of Celsius and military time. And none of this limbo is life altering, it’s just… noticeable.
- My body is still trying to live in the mountain time zone but the sun is setting at 6PM here in the state of Sao Paulo this week. Thankfully, it’s only a 3 hour difference. But still, I’ve had a nap every day since landing here in Brazil.
- My brain is still thinking in English, I’m writing and reading in English and yet everything around me is in Portuguese. At dinner on Sunday night, I started reading ‘An Onion in my Pocket’ and my waitress asked me what I was reading. ‘I’m reading a book in English, but it translates to ‘Uma Cebola em Minha Bolsa’. She said, oh, you’re practicing English? I chuckled. ‘No, I’m practicing Portuguese, but I’m reading a book in English, still’. Did I really trick her into thinking I was a native speaker learning English? I must have just misunderstood. This morning, my Uber driver said “Congratulations on your Portuguese, you’re doing great”. And then just a few hours later one of the waiters at my new local bakery looked at me like I was an absolute nutcase when I asked him to repeat what he said because I didn’t understand (he was just asking if he could take my plate away). I think it’s because I quite literally asked him “Can you speak again?” Like a freaking two year old would say.
It feels fitting that this week (tomorrow) will officially mark a change of the seasons. It’s the first day of Spring here in Brazil. The first day of Fall at home in the United States. To me, the shift into a new season is a gentle reminder that we are a) often (read: always) in transition and b) are never alone in transition. Look around you today. We are all experiencing change. We’re just experiencing change in different ways. For some, spring is a rebirth. For others, it marks the end of a favorite season. For some, the shift to fall is painful and dark and for others, it is peaceful and calming and a reset going into a season of joy. I think the same could be said of all life transitions; some are easy, some are hard, some are slow, and others are rapid. All are beautiful. Heraclitus once said “The only constant in life is change”. And boy, wouldn’t life be a little more beautiful if we could appreciate the limbo a little more? Promise me you’ll try along with me?
abraços,
mariah
one small grain 